


The "Dear God, Chihuahuas Are Scary" Incident

by SasukeUzumaki



Series: The Incidents: Naruto and Sasuke's Strange Relationship Milestones [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: :), ??? - Freeform, Barely any bad language, I hope this one is ok, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 16:46:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13884966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SasukeUzumaki/pseuds/SasukeUzumaki
Summary: Naruto likes making Sasuke mad, because short and small people that are mad are hilarious. Apparently, most people believe angry short and small people are terrifying, like chihuahuas. Naruto laughs at how absurd the fear of an angry Sasuke is... but apparently he is like a chihuahua, and chihuahuas really ARE scary.





	The "Dear God, Chihuahuas Are Scary" Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I didn't post yesterday! I covered the opening shift at work and then they made me cover the closing shift and then I was away from my laptop but I hope (hope) this makes you feel a little better... :(

Sasuke is an English teacher. It’s not what he’s always wanted to be – at some point he had wanted to be a human garbage can. It didn’t work out. That Halloween was one of the worst days of his life.

Buuuuuuut, being an English teacher isn’t all _that_ bad. Besides, he met the most amazing, most wonderful, most gorgeous, most happy, most nicest guy ever, Naruto Uzumaki.

Well, he _could_ be the most nicest guy ever.

“You are the epitome of weird.” Naruto says to the fuming man beside him.

“I am _not_ WEIRD!” Sasuke stomps his foot.

“Yes, you are. You’re also kind of a dick sometimes.”

“Wha-“ Sasuke has one of those “how _dare_ you” kinds of faces on, a hand placed on his chest, “What do you mean _kind of a-_ Naruto, there are _STUDENTS_ in this classroom!”

Naruto looks around indifferently.

“So, there are.” He nods.

“I cannot believe this kind of behavior and not to mention this _language_ that you are emitting right now, Uzumaki.” Sasuke growls out.

“Eh, suck it.”

Sasuke’s eyes grow wide with murderous rage.

“ _Excuse me?”_

“I said suck it.” Naruto replies calmly.

Sasuke growls.

“I am not putting up with this, Uzumaki. I hope you have a ba-… a _day_.” Sasuke storms out of the classroom, still unable to wish Uzumaki a bad day, despite his ‘tude.

Naruto chuckles slightly.

“…what possessed you to do _that?”_ A student asks.

“Oh, it’s fun to see him get angry.” Naruto shrugs.

“Really? Why? Wouldn’t he be pissed at you for the rest of the day?”

“Oh, no,” Naruto shakes his head, “he’ll come back ‘round again, he always does.”

“Why do you do it? That’s mean!” Another student says.

“Because it’s fun to see small, short people get angry.”

“No, it’s not – it’s _terrifying!_ I mean, come on, have you even _met_ a chihuahua?”

“I’ve seen chihuahuas before, and I can assure you that Sasuke is not as scary as those tiny demons.”

We’ll see about that.

* * *

 

After fourth period, Naruto takes a restroom break before the next class. When he enters the class, the students are not there. Not a single one. He stands at his door, waiting, but not a single student enters. When the bell signifying the start of class rings, Naruto enters his room and sits down, contemplating life.

The door opens. Naruto looks towards the door and there’s Sasuke, holding something behind his back.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Uzumaki.”

Naruto has figured out by this point that Sasuke only addresses him by his last name if he’s pissed. He _never_ addresses him with a ‘Mr.’ in front of it if he’s not talking to a student.

Naruto gulps.

“Heya, Sasuke, what’s up?” Naruto asks.

“Oh, I dunno…” Sasuke walks towards him slowly, brushing the top of his desk with his index finger as he walks by, “I thought we could have some _fun.”_ Sasuke’s voice lowers at the last word.

Naruto attempts to catch a glimpse of what Sasuke is holding behind his back, but Sasuke moves it out of sight.

“W-what kind of fun?” Naruto asks cautiously.

“Well, something that’s more fun for _me_ than it is for _you.”_

Naruto hesitates, “Did you – did you _tell_ the students _not_ to come to my class this period?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Sasuke says slowly.

“Uh….” Naruto is sweating at this point.

It’s probably a knife behind his back. Or a gun. Or maybe a spoon, which, when used correctly, could _also_ be a dangerous murder weapon. Sasuke is most definitely skilled enough to fatally injure Naruto with a fucking spoon.

“Sasuke, please, what’s going on?” Naruto asks.

“Nothing is going on.”

“No, Sasuke, something is going on, you’re holding something behind you’re back and you won’t show me, and I’m really scared so _please just tell me what’s going on.”_

Sasuke pulls out the object from behind his back. Naruto squeals.

It’s horrible, it’s terrifying, it’s -

“It’s a hairbrush.” Sasuke says flatly.

Naruto stares for a few moments.

“…why the fuck are you hiding a hairbrush I was scared for my life!” Naruto exclaims.

“Because I’m mad.”

“Wh- why – what the – you’re mad?” Naruto stutters.

“Yes, I’m mad. You were being particularly mean to me today, and I don’t appreciate it.” Sasuke looks down.

“Well, I’m sorry, it’s just – you’re so cute when you’re mad!”

“Really?” Sasuke lights up.

“Well, yeah! That’s the only reason why I do it! I wouldn’t do it otherwise!”

“Oh.” Sasuke looks at the hairbrush in his hands.

“You fucking scared me, man. I felt like I was living a horror film.”

“…what made you feel that way?” Sasuke asks.

“Well, the whole no students this period thing –”

“The students went on a field trip. Did you forget? They never stopped blabbing about it for the whole _week_.”

“You uh… you stood pretty creepily in my doorway –”

“I’m mad. Or, I _was_ mad.”

“Yeah! And the you addressed me as Mr. Uzumaki –”

“I hadn’t realized I’d done that.” Sasuke looks off to the side.

“And then you walking up to me like that, with the whole finger and the desk thing –”

“I was going to ask you to do something.”

“Something _you_ would like more than _I_ would.”

“Yes.”

“…what?” Naruto asks, “Were you going to murder me?”

“No!” Sasuke waves the hairbrush around, “I was going to ask you to brush my hair!”

…

Naruto sits still to process this.

“I like it when you brush my hair, I find it really helps to calm me down. I figured you just had a bad day or something and that’s why you were being mean. I didn’t mean to _scare_ you.” Sasuke mumbles.

“…you think I don’t like brushing your hair?” Naruto asks.

“Uh, no, I don’t.”

“I like brushing your hair.”

“Oh,” Sasuke looks at the hairbrush before handing it to him, “well, today’s your luck day!”

“Alright, let’s get to it.”

Naruto brushes Sasuke’s hair softly. Sasuke sighs. Sasuke’s hair really is fun to brush – it’s really soft, despite the whole spike do he’s got that looks like it takes five cans of hairspray for thirty minutes of lift.

“I was so scared because I said it was funny when you get angry because you’re small and short –”

“I am not small.” Sasuke crosses his arms.

“…well, the students told me that small, short people getting angry is scary, like chihuahuas.”

Sasuke laughs.

“You thought I would be scary like a chihuahua?”

“Well, yeah, I know it’s dumb, but the thought they put into my head was just… I dunno.”

Sasuke laughs again.

“Oh, honey, I’m not like a chihuahua,” Sasuke laughs.

“I’m _much_ worse.”


End file.
